Trip Planning

My apologies ... it's been a while since my last post. I essentially go into hiding whenever Stampede rolls around, because, well, I simply hate Stampede.  I could create a dedicated blog to how much I hate the Calgary Stampede (I hate it enough that I won't even link to it)...so I'll just move along to my intended rant for the day.

Trip Planning.  Sounds like something someone would do when they are embarking on a lengthy vacation.  However, it's something people should do on a daily basis...and Calgarians clearly don't.  It's really a simple concept ... KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.  I could probably direct this towards tourists and out-of-towners somewhat, but I'll give them a pass.  Even in this day-in-age where we have GPS units and smart phones, it's still not that easy to navigate around a brand new city.

For the locals, however, this should be common sense.  Now, I'm not exactly saying that Calgary motorists don't actually know where they're going...they simply don't drive like they do.  Examples?  People who pass you on the left, and then abruptly cut back to the right across multiple lanes to make a right-hand turn, or to take an off-ramp onto another roadway.  This drives me bananas.  If you know that the exit you need to take is 500m on the right...STAY IN THE RIGHT FUCKING LANE.  Unless I missed a city-wide email that the Cannonball Run is eternally underway in Calgary, there's no race to be won.  You're not going to get a trophy because you weaved around the vehicle in front of you.  I honestly think that the traffic flow in this city would be improved greatly if the idiot motorists simply used their brain and thought about their intended route ahead of time.

If you really want a good example of how to do it properly...watch a trucker.  Those guys have to take a lot of things into account while driving...such as having to make wide turns, as well as needing a lot of space to change lanes.  You'll never see a big rig make a pass on the left if they intend on exiting to the right shortly thereafter.  They're smart enough to move over to the right a few kilometres before they intend to exit/turn.

Right Turn, Right Lane...Left Turn, Left Lane

No explanation is necessary for this latest instalment.  Motorists in Calgary seem to struggle with this concept, however. 
 
This lack of intelligence usually occurs at intersection where there are multiple turning lanes, such as the diagram shown to the left. As you can see, the driver in the rightmost turning lane stays to the right, and winds up in the rightmost lane on the cross street.  Unfortunately, what happens far too often is that the idiot on the right cuts you off and turns into the left lane on the cross street.  It has happened to me so frequently that I now EXPECT it to happen every time I enter one of these situations. 

It also happens on simple right-and-left turns, which really pisses me off.  If you check the diagram to the right, the concept of a right turn is pretty easy to digest.  However, some people feel as though they can turn right, and then proceed to drift into the lanes on the left, completely ignoring the fact that there will either be cars turning left into that lane, or that traffic is coming down that cross street in the far lanes.

As I type this, I find that this situation is a lot harder to explain in words than I anticipated.  I'm hoping that you'll understand what I'm trying to portray, and you'll likely realize that you have also encountered idiots like these. 

I'm considering installing a GoPro camera in my car...this way I can show you actual footage of asshat Calgary motorists doing what they do.  Stay tuned for that!

Today's rant is one that I'm certain that most people will share with me.  It's the dreaded "intersection blocker"...one of the most hated breeds of motorists in the entire city.

If you somehow don't know who these inbred numbskulls are, which would surprise me, the pictures to the left should help clear things up.  If you need further clarification, it's quite simple really: 

This is what it looks like to get "blocked"

These are individuals who apparently cannot see the rest of the world past the hood of their car, and somehow cannot see the backed up traffic in the intersection in front of them, nor do they see the side streets to their left or right.  Instead, they proceed forward, void of any sort of common sense, and sit in the middle of the intersection. 

You might not think that's a huge problem, but in rush hour, it's a MAJOR problem.  Because traffic doesn't move that quickly, so they end up sitting in the intersection after their light turns red, and they create a wall for the traffic travelling perpendicular to them, who happen to have the right of way.  Even better...when you honk at them (the international signal for "hey you...fuckwad!"), they turn and glare at you like it's your fault.  Further proof that they clearly have fecal matter where their brains should be.

There are tons of intersections that are notorious for intersection blockers.  Unfortunately, one of them is just down the street from my condo...and because I live on an extended cul-de-sac, it's my only exit.  That being said, probably the most annoying place that this phenomenon always occurs is at the intersection of Eastbound Memorial Drive NE and the on-ramp that runs from Deerfoot Trail northbound.  
 

If you check out my rudimentary diagram below (done in MS Paint) you can kinda see what I'm getting at.  The red line is the path, the yellow squares are the cars that are trying to exit onto Deerfoot south, and they ALWAYS jump into the intersection.  I guess they think that they'll get home 3.47 seconds sooner if they do that.  Problem is, now you're blocking at least one lane of traffic coming from the on-ramp (sometimes all 3 lanes), and that just creates a giant clusterfuck, and if you're like me, some serious road rage.

Double-Edged Sword

Today's post is entitled "Double-Edged Sword" for a reason - this post is meant for Calgary motorists AND pedestrians...as both parties are guilty of asshattery when it comes to the forthcoming topic of vehicular stupidity.

This lovely little black & white sign to my left is pretty much a universal traffic signal.  In Calgary, they look just like this, but perhaps you've lived somewhere else, and you might be used to the yellow version seen below. 

If you don't know what these signs are, I fucking hate you, regardless of whether or not you drive a vehicle.  Because if you walk, and you don't know what these signs are, your level of dipshittery is equal-to or greater-than that of a motorist.

So, lets raise the cloth from this mystery for these morons out there, and let them know that these signs indicate that there is a pedestrian crossing (more commonly known as a crosswalk) at that particular intersection.  This is where people taking the heel-toe express have the right-of-way to cross the street.

So I'm going to split this rant into two parts...one for the motorists, and one for pedestrians.

MOTORISTS:

DO NOT STOP for pedestrians trying to scoot across the road anywhere but one of these intersections.  We are driving one ton steel boxes...we own the road!  Don't let some lame-ass pedestrian come into our house and tell us how to run things.  But, more importantly, I DON'T WANT TO REAR-END YOU!!  I cannot count how many times I've screamed out loud at some idiot motorist in this city that has slammed on the brakes and stopped in the middle of the street to allow some retard to cross the road where they have no business doing so.  You're putting yourselves in danger, not to mention those driving around you AND the pedestrians. 

PEDESTRIANS:

I'm pretty sure that we learned the basic rules of pedestrianism in kindergarten (or shortly thereafter): 

1. Look both ways before crossing the street
2. Don't run out into the street
3. ALWAYS CROSS AT A CROSSWALK! 

Did we stop teaching people these lessons?  Is the school system too engaged with trying to make kids less fat that they have discarded these basic lessons?  Why do you need to endanger us motorists by crossing at some random point in the road.  It's not like crosswalks are only every couple of kilometres - chances are, there's a crosswalk only a block or two away.

I'd go on about how I feel towards right of way, and the laws of pedestrians vs motorists...but that's another post altogether.

The Inaugural Post!

The inaugural post of "Dear Calgary Drivers".  What a momentous occasion!  So let's kick things off right with one of my favourite Calgary traffic gripes - the "lane added" yield sign (see: left). 

For starters, let's clear up one thing.  This is NOT a yellow version of the Atari logo (see: below-right), so quit playing goddamn games on the road.  This sign means that you do not have to slam on your brakes and narrowly avoid getting rear ended because you think you have to yield.  You can KEEP DRIVING...nobody's going to hit your precious little vehicle.  You're probably so astronomically stupid that if you DID get rear-ended, you'd think it isn't your fault.

What boggles my mind the most is that this sign is so self explanatory - how could you not understand it?  That arrow on the right?  Yeah, that's you big guy!  And the left arrow?  That's the big, bad scary OTHER guy.  Notice that the arrows don't collide into a fiery ball of vehcular death - they simply carry on their merry little way, IN THEIR OWN LANES!!!

The next time I almost rear-end some dipshit that stops at one of these intersections/on-ramps, I'm going to drag them out of their vehicle, glue them to the pavement right where they think the cars are going to collide, just to prove the point.